Because we never said 'goodbye'
by Fae 206
Summary: Nearly three years ago, Kurt Hummel-Anderson was announced dead, however that isn't the case. When government officials discover that Kurt is actually alive and has been under deep trauma for those three years, he is released into the public secretly. Can Kurt pick up the pieces of his life and reconnect with the man who has been waiting just for him. Season Five Future Set
1. Open

**AN:** I haven't actually started a new fanfic since March, so I'm hoping that this one will go okay. I have plans to continue and finish other fics soon. Also I don't believe in Season Spinoff so…the last episode was 5.20 "The Untitled Rachel Berry Project"

 **Because we never said 'Goodbye'  
**

 _Kurt Hummel-Anderson, a young man of twenty-two years old was one of the brightest lights that NYADA has ever taken in._

 _He was always shown to have such courage, such love, such strength to overcome what really no person should overcome._

 _He was unique, he had more than four sides of him and I really wanted him to do well during his life._

 _He stuck in there, even when other people would've jumped up and run straight out the room, porcelain was there._

 _He was nice, I shouldn't have said mean things about him, it was rude._

 _He had this bright light that really helped captivate a room even though he wasn't at one with God._

 _I really think he could have done better, but then a lot of people could do better if they apply themselves in life, but I really think he had a chance to do that._

 _He made me feel accepted, he helped me identify with who I was always meant to be._

 _He was a unicorn, the best unicorn of all of them and I really hope he still has his horn._

 _So what if he only had one move, his move was a lot of fun. He was really inspirational._

 _He should've done more, he could've done more, I mean there is no way I could impersonate what he did._

 _I liked him, he was always kind to others even when I wanted to rule our school as queen, he was just someone who wouldn't go to those lengths._

 _He had a style that was just his own, he really owned up to who he was._

 _Lady Fabulous did a lot more than annoy me or make me feel bad with his overly flamboyant ways, he was kind and now that's not…._

 _He was the lead singer of our band and he helped me feel alive and grounded. He kept me feeling that there was this crazy community that I was a part of._

 _He was really sweet, I mean he sometimes took Blaine for granted, but he was nice and helped me. He really let everyone else know how much he cared about them._

 _He was my son, not in blood but he was the son who I had, but now the emptiness is back._

 _This shouldn't have happened, he shouldn't have left me like this. It wasn't fair for him to do this and it isn't good that he's there now. I just wish I could have been the friend that he always was, he never needed the spotlight like I did._

 _He was the first person who really cared about hanging out with me just to talk about fashion, he was my very first high school crush and he was the most amazing guy I've ever met._

 _He is my son, he will always be my son, always be that young boy looked at me so innocently and helped me. He is my son and I failed him. I didn't do enough, I didn't try hard enough, I'm sorry Kurt. I am so so sorry, you deserved better than you got in me._

 _Kurt Hummel-A-anderson was an incredible man who always wanted to help others, he always cared about other people and wanted to bring out the light in them. Everyone reminds me that in the story where we first meet, I am the one who took his hand and led him down that hallway, but with people like Kurt you just know that you are seeing something special that you would be lucky to hold onto. Kurt saved my life and I think that anyone who has ever met him would feel the same way._

 _There were many ways in which I hurt Kurt, my best friend, my soulmate, the love of my life, my husband in the past. There were many mistakes I made and regrets I carry, but Kurt managed to accept that about me. He was able to know when I was being too hard on myself and more than anything he was so intelligent he knew when to remind me of how he loved me._ _  
_

 _Kurt was the most talented and caring person I have ever met in my whole life and I don't see this as a goodbye because unlike Kurt, I have faith in an afterlife, I believe that I will see Kurt again there and hopefully he is just as fabulous as he has always been and I know that when I see him he'll understand why I always said that he's the only man who I could ever love. I feel so much pain right now, the days seem black and as if I can't go on, but I have to make sure they count. I can't do it for myself anymore, but I can do it for him._ __

 _So, I will never say goodbye because of how I love him._ __

 _My world_

 _My soul mate_

 _My north star that has always guided me home_

 _My best friend_

 _My darling husband_

 _My_

 _Kurt_


	2. Ch1: I don't know why I'm frightened

**Chapter One: I don't know why I'm frightened**

Kurt didn't know how long he had been here. He didn't know how long he had stared at the ceiling with the leaking pipe or heard the gust of wind past his window. He didn't know how many days it had been since he was last physically hurt or how long his leg had felt numb. It was strange though, at first he had attempted to find a way out of the darkness, count the number of times there was some light from the sun rising and setting which separated those twenty-four hours, but after a while he had become resigned to the fact that he would probably die here.

Thanks to being force fed he had survived, but how many meals had there been? How many times had they shouted at him in that foreign language to eat? Where on earth was Blaine and why hadn't his husband rescued him yet. Blaine always promised to be there for him, where was he? How many months had he been here? It couldn't possibly be more than a year.

All of a sudden there was light. There was almost never light in this place, only when the worst torture would happen. Kurt's body tensed, ready to feel that intense pain that he was becoming increasingly more numb to. He closed his eyes and steadied his breaths, showing weakness would only prolong the torture as the people holding him captive would enjoy a good laugh. Schadenfreude, maybe that was what they felt.

"There's someone in here!" he heard a man yell in an American accent.

Kurt squinted in the light, this wasn't the voice of the men who were usually here, the men who had left him on the ground like this. Something different was going on, but Kurt really didn't want to believe that it could be anything good.

"Hey," a man said as he approached Kurt, "We're going to get you out of here, we're going to get you to the hospital and…a plastic surgeon," he said as Kurt continued to squint to try and see what was going on.

He wasn't expecting his body to be lifted up or brought to a medical helicopter along with two other men, one woman, and a young baby. Soon he felt he was moving, but where was he going, what was happening? He tried to figure it out before he was injected with something and felt himself unable to resist sleep.

…

The next time he woke up it was three days later. He was now in an American hospital and was hooked to numerous IVs and other machines. He felt someone touch his head, stroking his longer hair back with the gentleness he always associated with his memories of his mother. He curled into the touch, in his mind he imagined raspberry gel, triangular eyebrows, honey-amber eyes that were so expressive he always knew how the man was feeling.

Blaine.

Blaine had to be there, it had only been a few months and Blaine was there beside him. Blaine had saved him, Kurt _knew_ that Blaine would always be able to save him. Blaine was his prince.

"Hey, ki-ki-kiddo" he heard a very sad voice and looked up, he smiled seeing his father but he couldn't deny his disappointment. This wasn't the romantic moment he was expecting. Still, this was safe, his father would _always_ keep him safe.

"H-H-Hey," Kurt stuttered, his own voice sounding foreign to him, he leaned across to touch the IV, "wh-wh-where?" he looked around.

"You're in the hospital, we're in New York" Burt tried to inform Kurt, "Oh god Kurt" Burt cried, trying to keep himself calm but he couldn't hold himself together, he was just so upset and overwhelmed. After three years, here was his son, talking and breathing and acting as if he had never died.

"Da-Da-d" Kurt reached out to hold his father's hand, he felt Burt take it, squeezing it so Kurt was aware that he was still there. It was something they had always shared when one of them felt bad, a hand squeeze.

"Do you even know how long you've been g-g-gone?" the older man asked his son, his eyes were red with tears and he looked skinnier than before. It was definitely indicative of his health declination and heavy stubble covered his face.

"Fo-o-our m-m-m-onth-ths?" Kurt asked as Burt took a shaking breath

"Make that thirty seven," Burt tried to tell him as Kurt looked at his dad confused. Why hadn't they been searching him if he had been gone for over three years? Why hadn't Blaine found him? Where did they think he was? "We all thought you were dead."

"D-D-ead?" Kurt asked and shook his head, "N-No"

"What were we supposed to think?" Burt asked, "You had a funeral kiddo, I thought I lost my son. Everyone just…" he shook his head, tears in his eyes. "It doesn't matter anymore, you're here, you're alive, that's all that matters."

"B-B-Bla-aine?" Kurt said as he looked around, he wanted his husband. He was in a nightmare and he needed Blaine to spoon him back to sleep. He needed Blaine to tell him that it was a bad dream and get him some cocoa from that unique little store they had found in New York. "B-laine…w-wher-ere?"

"He cut off ties with everyone as far as I know. I haven't seen him since he left to go to Cambridge," Burt tried to explain.

"C-Ca-mb-bri-dge i-in L-L-Lon-d-don?" Kurt inquired nervously, he didn't know how long it would take him to make an international trip since he was dead, but he wanted to go, he _wanted_ Blaine.

"No," Burt said with a deep breath in and then deep breath out, "Cambridge, Massachusetts."

…

…

…

"So," Susan, an award winning therapist tried to say calmly as she faced her patient for the past two years, "How about we start with what happened this weekend?" she smiled calmly. "You were supposed to write a paper for your sociology class and then what happened?"

"Why the fuck do you care?" the man said bitterly as he looked at the ground. His curly hair was a mess, it was always a mess these days. He wore thick glasses since his eye sight had worsened over the years. His whiskey colored eyes always were glazed over, well except for during the drinking. He had a thick beard and he never really took much care in what clothes he put on in the morning. Caring about fashion made him remember a man he could never have again.

"Blaine," Susan tried gently, "I do care. I tell you that every week, I really think we should discuss this or maybe we could discuss your medication. Have you been taking it?"

"Why the fuck should I take it?" Blaine snapped, "It doesn't fucking work, doesn't stop the nightmares."

"Well, mourning a person can lead to the nightmares that you have, grief is a heavy burden that we have to let go of eventually," she attempted to comfort the twenty four year old in front of her.

"Yeah," Blaine challenged as he raised an eyebrow, "What the fuck is the link between grief and that shit they give me? They want to make me forget and I can't forget. The love of my life is dead because of me. I killed him, might as well have fucking done it with my own hands."

"Have you ever considered that the language you use could be affecting your mood?" Susan questioned as Blaine glared at her.

"So what? You think being a fucking bitch is affecting your mood?" he asked. "I only ever wanted _one_ thing in my life, _one_ person, my husband and the world took him away from me. It was because I wasn't good enough, I didn't deserve him and everyone fucking knew. I challenged the world because I wanted him and he was stolen from me because I was guilty."

"I don't think any power would kill another person for a crime that you're imagining, you didn't do anything wrong, Blaine."

"Yeah, what the fuck do you know? Last semester I fucking read that Book of Job and that shit said that sometimes people are just punished. I fucked up," Blaine started to cry again, "I committed crimes and didn't fucking repent and they took him away from me. They took the love of my fucked up life away from me."

Blaine wrapped his arms around himself as he brought his knees up and fell apart, "I should be the one who is gone, Kurt was too perfect for this world. Kurt was an angel who they stole from me, the universe hurt me on purpose."

Susan sighed, "Have you discussed with your parents that you want to switch to psychology? I'm wondering if your major is stressing you out, it's a pretty hard one, right?"

"My parents gave me three options after I dropped out of art school, three fucking choices. I could be a doctor, a politician, or a lawyer. At least with this shitty degree I can try to find justice in the world, I can stand up for people and maybe one day I'll meet Kurt again and because I did this he'll forgive me. He _has_ to forgive me."

"You think you can solve all of your problems with a 4.0GPA and by studying law and becoming a lawyer?" Susan sighed as she looked at her notebook.

"No," Blaine shook his head, "but it's a fucking start."


	3. Ch2: I know my way around here

**Chapter Two: I know my way around here**

Kurt looked around at the hospital room, this was the end of his first week here and he still hadn't found the courage to talk to anyone or tell anyone, the only people who actually knew were the government officials, Burt, Carole, and a five year old named Peter who had been orphaned and his dad and Carole had adopted.

In some ways he felt that he had been replaced, but he knew his dad and he knew Carole and their hearts were big enough. However, a son wasn't the same as a husband and that is what Kurt worried about the most. Would Blaine even remember that they used to be married?

Worst case scenario though, was Blaine still alive?

"Hi, honey" Carole smiled as Kurt was trying to push himself off of the bed, he staggered a little since he wasn't used to walking and Carole quickly came over, taking some of his weight and helping him sit on the bed. "Don't stress yourself too much, do it at your own pace, okay?"

"I-I-I" Kurt stuttered, he hated the stuttering now and he hated it more that no one knew whether it was from trauma, lack of speaking, or a brain injury why he couldn't speak properly.

"Hi," Peter waved to Kurt as Kurt sighed and then gave a little wave back.

"He-he-y, P-p-ete-ter" he grinned to the little boy, "G-G-Goo-d d-d-day?"

"Yep" Peter smiled, "I played see-saw and we pretended to be pirates."

"Burt loves playing with him," Carole smiled, "Your dad always tells me stories about you, I am so glad you're back," she told Kurt as she gently fixed his hair.

"Y-Y-You li-live i-in N-N-New Y-Y-Y-or-k-k?" Kurt asked confused, he wasn't sure where they seesawed or had pirate costumes, but it would have surprised him if Burt wasn't living in Lima anymore, if death had been a motivation to move they would have done after his mother's death.

He frowned, his dad and Carole must have both gone through so much, losing their significant other and then losing the child that they had had with that person, the last living piece of them gone, it must have been horrible. He wondered how Blaine had felt, he wondered if he would have been strong enough to go on if Blaine had died.

"W-Wh-Wh-ere's D-d-dad?" Kurt asked as he looked around, he would usually go to the garden or rec room with Burt, Carole, and Peter, they did that every day. Though the world outside was new, it was comforting to know that Kurt had a safe place in this hospital, he just wanted to talk to his father.

—-

Burt looked around the Harvard campus, he had already gone to the admissions office to find out if Blaine was still a student, it was easier after he provided his last name as Blaine had kept it attached to the Anderson. He wasn't surprised that Blaine was studying law, he wasn't surprised about the 4.0GPA and he definitely wasn't surprised about the antagonistic attitude. They had both been hurt badly when they believed Kurt was dead and he knew Blaine still loved him.

Early on after the funeral, Blaine had come to him numerous times and attempted to prove that Kurt was still alive. He had come up with various reasons why and ideas about what Kurt had been doing, including that he had witnessed a mafia crime and had to go under witness protection by creating a new identity and he couldn't contact them until after the death of the current mafia leader.

Each time Blaine had tried to persuade him that Kurt was alive, Burt would sit down with him for lunch or even coffee and attempted to help Blaine through this period of grief. Burt would often tell Blaine stories of the death of Kurt's mother and he would talk about how he felt after Finn. It had taken more than a couple of months to make Blaine realize the situation, or at least what everyone believed was the situation.

Now it was different, now he had to convince Blaine that he had been right during that time. Since Blaine had moved on it was going to be a lot harder.

Burt stood as he saw the twenty-year old exit the sociology building. Blaine was a mess, his hair was more than untidy and he wore a loose tank with a plaid pink shirt over it, he was also in sweats that were held up by a piece of cord. His beard was a mess like his hair and Burt was worried about how he would approach the student.

"Hey, it's been a long time," he said in a warm and affectionate tone. "How are you?"

"Burt?" Blaine asked in surprise, he looked around as he clutched one arm around himself. "Hey, is something wrong? How did you find me?"

"There's really only one reason why someone as smart as you are would choose to come here," Burt replied, "I mean, you could have gone to Cambridge in England, but you came here."

"Yeah," Blaine nodded, "I rarely leave this place, it's home, I know where everything is. It doesn't remind me of him." 

"Well, I actually have information about Kurt" Burt said with a weak smile, he hated seeing Blaine like this. Hopefully with this news, Blaine could turn his life around and become happy again.

"They've found his body?" the student asked sadly, "Look after the funeral, I'm not sure what to tell you, I'm not emotionally capable of looking at him. I can't see his body, I can't even go many nights without thinking of how I failed him, how I failed you." Warm tears started to flow down Blaine's cheeks, "I _killed_ him."

"Kurt is alive," Burt tried to inform Blaine as he reached out to touch Blaine's shoulder, "He's in a hospital in New York."

Blaine shook his head quickly, "Kurt is deceased, his gone, you told me that yourself and I _can't_ see his body, I promised him that I would never say goodbye to him. I can't do it, I'm not strong enough, I'm a lot weaker than I was when I was with him."

"He _wants_ to see you," Burt tried to convince his son in law, "He's waiting for you and I'm pretty sure you've been waiting for him."

"Burt," Blaine sighed, "You should get some help. You were the one who made me see that there was no chance of Kurt coming back, I don't know what you're going through but you have to convince yourself of that right now. I'm really sorry if the cancer came back, but wishing that Kurt is alive isn't helping. You're not okay and I know that is my fault."

"I'm telling the truth, Blaine, he's here and he wants to see you. He can't leave the hospital for another couple of weeks and until the plastic surgery appointment his face is a bit messed up, but he wants you. He's asking for you a lot," Burt looked at Blaine. He tried to rub Blaine's upper arm but the student flinched away.

"I have to go to a therapy appointment, maybe you should try to find a therapist in Ohio, not necessarily Lima but somewhere close. Kurt is gone, Burt, he's never coming back. I'm never going to be able to hold him or kiss him or be with him again. I'm really sorry, but I have to go," he told Burt as he walked away. He bowed his head as he allowed the tears to flow.

If only that was the case, if only Kurt _was_ alive, that way Blaine could rediscover happiness.

—-

"Y-Y-You thi-ink tha-that B-Blai-ne w-ill c-come?" Kurt asked as he looked at Carole somewhat excited. He really wanted to see his husband and hold him, kiss him, be with him again. He didn't know why Blaine had decided to go to Harvard, but if he could just convince him to come back to New York so that the two of them could be together again.

His father would be able to convince Blaine to come and see him and Kurt would try to explain the situation at that time. He was still disgusted by the appearance of his face, but the Blaine that he knew wouldn't care, the Blaine that he knew would just be glad that he was alive. Blaine was always so loving, so sweet, he would definitely come and love Kurt like he did before the torture started.

"It is quite possible that he'll come," Carole tried to comfort Kurt as she wheeled him out to the gardens.

Kurt grinned proudly, he bowed his head and smiled happily. He would be able to be with the love of his life, little mattered after that fact.

"Who's Blaine?" Peter asked as he looked at his adoptive mother.

"B-Bl-laine i-is t-the be-est m-m-an I e-e-ever me-t" Kurt tried to explain as he thought of his dear sweet honeybee.


	4. Ch3: The Cardboard Trees, Painted Scenes

**Chapter Three: The Cardboard Trees, The Painted Scenes**

"Blaine," Susan said slowly, "I know that us talking doesn't seem to help you very much so I was hoping that you would do some mindfulness meditation exercises with me so that we could at least look for something symbolic," she tried to comfort her patient. "You tell me all about these nightmares you have so why don't we try and go through an exercise where you can use your imagination."

Blaine rolled his eyes, "Wow, you're a fucking genius," he said sarcastically, "That will help all my problems just go away, the power of my imagination."

Susan sighed, "Have you ever heard of Sigmund Freud?" she tried to say as Blaine gave a hard stare back at her.

"If this is your way of trying to tell me that the two of us should be having sex, you're brain isn't worth shit. I'm gay. You know, if you really want to educate me then you should know that when a guy says he's gay he isn't looking to fool around with a slutty psychiatrist," Blaine bit his tongue to suppress a growl. He knew that if it wasn't for his fact that his parents were paying double for these sessions, he would have been kicked out near the beginning.

"Lovely," Susan replied dryly, "Not the point I'm looking for however, Sigmund Freud did a lot of work on the significance of dreams, if your nightmares are unfavorable to you then the best thing to do is to explore them, can we least agree with that?"

"Can we at least agree that you're a bitch who sidelines as a whore, or is the money _not_ the reason that you're keeping me around," Blaine barked, once again unable to hold his anger in check.

Susan sighed, "Mr Anderson," she said firmly, "Close your eyes if you want to stay in these therapy sessions,"

Blaine looked away but closed his eyes, he put one arm around himself and with the other gripped to his knee, he took long and somewhat angry breaths as he listened to the psychiatrist.

"Okay, good, can we take some deep breaths in?" Susan asked as Blaine kept the bitterness in his voice.

"Wow, yeah it would be pretty shitty if you couldn't even do that much, breathing is a part of human existence," he shrugged before joining in with the breaths. With each breath he felt himself weakening and this tough exterior being broken into, he started to feel the weakness that he disliked everyone else to see. This wasn't fair, this wasn't right. He hung his head, shoulders shaking but continued to breathe.

"Okay," Susan said in a calmer tone as she noticed Blaine's weakness that he tried to hide from the rest of the world, "So, I need you to imagine yourself in a garden. It can be any kind of garden that you like, it can be filled with wildlife or it can be sand covering the stones like some cultures sweep with brooms."

Blaine nodded, he wanted to silence the noise in his head. The sad sounds of the blackbirds, the canaries who hid away in the branches. He wanted to remove the roses, red and yellow that were becoming weeds and dying if he were to ever touch one.

The stones were hard and jagged and the hot heat hurt his feet as if he were standing on Lego bricks, the white trees were dying and had so many broken limbs. This was the only garden he could imagine these days and it was a garden that he wished never existed, even in his own mind.

"Okay," Susan said, "Can you name this garden in three words?" she asked. Usually at this point she would reach out to physically comfort her patient, but she knew that Blaine would flinch away and refuse that kind of help.

"Everything is dead," Blaine said, his voice reflecting the sadness that he had felt every day for three years. "It's a mess, tragic, I can't help them."

"You can't help who?" Susan asked, finally Blaine was giving her something to work with. Somehow the bitter words that hadn't existed in the twenty-three year olds voice had vanished and he was left with something very rich, deep, and honest.

"The birds. All the birds have flown away, I can't protect them, he's gone," Blaine struggled as Susan looked at him.

"Blaine…" she said softly as the student wrapped both arms around his chest and leaned forwards, tears washing down his cheeks and his body shaking.

"K-Kurt" Blaine sobbed, "…I can't help him. I couldn't, he was my garden, he was everywhere."

"Blaine!" Susan asked worried, "You need to snap out of this. I think this level of mindfulness isn't good for your condition. You need to open your eyes now."

"No," Blaine shook his head, "because being in this garden is my punishment for hurting him, for killing him," he said as he imagined everything in the garden to become a deep shade of red, the red from a newly formed cut. It started to cover his hands, getting stickier and stickier until he feared that it would be impossible to wash it off. "I can't do this!" he yelled out as he fell apart, breaking on the outside like he always tried not to do.

Everything in his nightmares was always the memory of Kurt, it always ended in blood, it always reminded Blaine over and over again that _he_ was responsible for the death of the love of his life.

—-

"So, you're like my big brother, right?" Peter asked Kurt as he sat on the bed with him. He looked away, "I really like mummy and daddy, you were lucky to have daddy."

"Y-Yea-h," Kurt nodded, he grimaced as he heard himself stutter, but he couldn't help it. The words just never came out right and he worried that Blaine would care too much about it. He hadn't before but the more he talked, the more he realized just how strange he sounded. "I gu-ess-ss s-s-so"

"I never had a brother before," Peter smiled, "We can play"

Kurt nodded again, he felt strange that he had a second brother. He knew that his dad and Carole had shared the death of their spouse when they met, but was the shared deaths of their sons reason to adopt another little boy. "Wh-Wh-at g-g-gam-es?"

Peter smiled wide, "I like painting and drawing, we can draw" he said excitedly.

"M-Ma-ay-be," Kurt struggled, "W-We c-cou-ld as-as-ask-k a n-n-nur-se"

"Yeah, and then we can draw pirates" Peter laughed, "Like Captain Hook. I can draw Peter Pan and you can draw Captain Hook," he announced.

Kurt nodded softly, "H-How a-a-abou-t-t T-ti-ink-k-ker-b-be-ell?"

"Yeah, we can both draw her" Peter smiled. "Do you have a Tinkerbell?"

Kurt blinked as he looked at Peter completely confused, he didn't know whether to say that the existence of a character like Tinkerbelle was impossible or not. Peter was really young, allowing him to imagine the world he wanted was important, but Kurt didn't want to lie to the kid.

"You know, someone who has magic and makes you feel safe and happy, like Tinkerbell"

"A-a-an-ny-o-one?" Kurt asked nervously as he thought about the only person who really made him feel like that.

Peter nodded, he looked at Kurt expecting an answer as Kurt felt his heart thump in his chest.

"Y-Y-Yea-h…" he replied, "o-o-or I d-d-did…hi-his n-n-name i-i-s B-b-la-ain-ne"


	5. Ch4: The Sound Here

Chapter Four: The Sound Here

 _Author Note: First of all, I want to give a shoutout to the sole reviewer of the last chapter (kindgirl90) who let me know that people probably want development. As narcissistic as it might sound, reviews are very important to me and I consider them highly when writing the next chapter. I get annoyed if someone tells/asks me exactly what to do, but general feelings are okay. Also, it was a bit hard to match the title of the last chapter_

 **xxx**

It had been nine days since Kurt had woken up at the hospital. It had been five days when Kurt had wanted to see Blaine but was too nervous to do anything about it. It had only been two days though that his father had returned to the hospital _without_ the love of his life and Kurt worried that Blaine had given up on him.

He curled his fingers around the hospital phone, he wanted to talk to Blaine, to tell him he was alive and wanted to see him. He didn't know the exact words he wanted to say, but hearing Blaine on the other end of the phone was going to be comforting and help him push through his anxiety.

He dialed Blaine's cell phone number and waited, sure Blaine wouldn't recognize the hospital number, but hopefully he would answer.

Kurt waited, the ringing sound making him more impatient, he gasped quickly as he heard his husband's voice, but then he looked down disappointed as he listened to the words.

 _This is Blaine Hummel-Anderson, if you wanna leave a voice message then you pretty much know what to do. If you haven't figured it out yet, then try to think what this beep does._

Kurt's chest tightened, Blaine's voicemail used to be a lot happier and more welcoming, this was so defensive and aggressive that Kurt didn't know what to do. He tried to slow his breaths, but it wasn't good enough. He really needed to say something to Blaine, but under these circumstances he was scared of what Blaine's reaction would be. Would he even _want_ Kurt anymore?

Kurt hung up the phone on the wall and tried to go back to his room, maybe he could call Blaine later, maybe Blaine would pick up his phone and they could talk and get back to their relationship. More than anything, Kurt wanted things to be normal with the man he still loved and cared for with all his heart.

—

It was the tenth day, sure yesterday hadn't worked out, but Kurt wasn't going to give up. He needed to talk to Blaine even _if_ it was a voice message. Hopefully Blaine would hear his voice and call him back. Yes, Kurt knew he would stutter, but he couldn't imagine that would make much of a difference to the gorgeous man he desired.

Picking up the phone again, he dialed Blaine's number and tried to calm himself down. This time the ringing worried him, maybe his dad had managed to convince Blaine that he _was_ here and Blaine just didn't care about talking to Kurt. Maybe he had moved on from Kurt and this kind of call was a personal invasion of Blaine's privacy. If Blaine was happy with the life he had created _after_ Kurt then was there anything other that he could do than respect it.

 _This is Blaine Hummel-Anderson, if you wanna leave a voice message then you pretty much know what to do. If you haven't figured it out yet, then try to think what this beep does._

This was a sign! It had to be, Blaine would have noticed the missed call and if he cared at all then he would have tried to call back to at least find out who it was. The teenager he had met, the one who called him his teenage dream, would always return calls in high school. He was such a sweet guy that he would try to make everyone feel comfortable. Kurt remembered all the times when there had been telemarketers who were surprised that Blaine had called back. Blaine was always so considerate like that, so this must be a sign that Blaine didn't want involvement in his life.

Kurt tapped the phone, distracted by his own thoughts and leaving a message with just him breathing. It was wrong, Kurt tried telling himself to move on from Blaine, surely there was a way for him to do that.

Blaine didn't need him and Kurt couldn't cope if he had Blaine's confirmation that that was the case. He quickly slammed the phone on the hook and went back to his hospital room. He needed to see Blaine, but maybe that was impossible.

—-

Kurt was still debating whether to call Blaine on the eleventh day, it had been Burt who had convinced him to try it again. Kurt would only be in the hospital for three more days and if Blaine was agreeable to the idea, Kurt could go to Cambridge and see his honeybee. He just needed to call and try to tell Blaine what was going on.

If Blaine had a boyfriend, fiancee, or worst of all husband, they could still be friends. They had promised each other to always be there for one another and to never say goodbye to one another, he loved Blaine so deeply, but the most important thing was Blaine's happiness. He just wanted that curly haired man in his life, he wanted to be around the person who made him feel safest and understood.

He had prepared what he was going to say mentally, this time expecting the voice mail. He was going to be clear, concise, explain the situation and tell Blaine how much he loved him and needed to see him. He would stutter, he understood that, but as long as Blaine was able to listen to the message then it would be okay. It had to be okay.

Kurt waited until he heard the now familiar message.

 _This is Blaine Hummel-Anderson, if you wanna leave a voice message then you pretty much know what to do. If you haven't figured it out yet, then try to think what this beep does._

Kurt opened his mouth to speak, but it was as if he had forgotten what to say. He just stared ahead of him, his mouth open and his fingers tapping the phone. He looked side to side in panic, he couldn't do this, it had been _years_ since they had been together. Even though Blaine was keeping Kurt's last name it didn't mean anything, maybe the message hadn't been changed for a while. Maybe it was too inconvenient to change the last name.

Kurt slammed the phone down on the hook, maybe tomorrow would be better.

—-

Now it was the twelfth day and the fourth day that Kurt had tried to call Blaine to talk to him. It was obvious now that Blaine had become the type of person to screen calls, but a voicemail was better than nothing. Kurt waited impatiently for the voicemail message to come on, he had to go against this fear and think about his want, his need, his wish to see the man he loved.

 _This is Blaine Hummel-Anderson, if you wanna leave a voice message then you pretty much know what to do. If you haven't figured it out yet, then try to think what this beep does._

"B-B-Bla-aine" Kurt struggled, hoping Blaine would recognize his voice, "I-It-t's…p-p-le-ease d-d-don't b-be s-ca-red i-i-it's K-K-Kurt. I'm ali-li-ve. P-Pl-ease c-cal-all my d-d-d-ad. I w-w-wan-t to se-ee y-you"

Kurt took nervous breaths as he stared at the phone, he needed to say it even though he was terrified that Blaine might not say it back. "I l-l-lo-ve y-you"

He hung up the phone hoping that Blaine would receive the message and call his dad tonight so it was possible for Kurt to talk to him. Maybe tonight they could figure things out, maybe tonight they could make a plan for their future together.

—-

Blaine had gotten drunk after he had received his test back. Another A+, it made him feel extremely guilty whenever he got grades like this, grades that would never be given to Kurt. Then again, when he didn't study or review the material, he felt guilty that he wasn't trying hard enough and Kurt would be ashamed of him.

It was weird, he knew he looked bad, almost homeless, but he had still been given two different phone numbers from guys attempting to pick him up. He might have given his number to one of them by mistake, misreading the situation due to his intoxicated nature.

He hated getting drunk, but at times it was the only thing that actually soothed him and calmed him down. Each time he drank one of those beers or ordered some kind of mixed drink, he could feel the shame that everyone he used to know felt in him. Even Cooper, who he saw from time to time, would be ashamed to have a brother like him. Someone who couldn't control himself when it came to depression and yet refused to take medication.

He always yelled at Coop when his big brother came down to visit him, but for some reason Cooper never yelled back. Maybe it was out of pity that this didn't happen. Cooper _pitied_ him and why wouldn't he, no one understood the type of pain he went through. The only person who could understand and motivate him to stop was dead, gone forever.

Blaine didn't feel as if he had a responsibility to act any other way for anyone else but his departed husband.

He pulled out his phone, trying to get the number for a taxi to take him back to his apartment building. He frowned as he saw another missed call from the same number that had been bugging him these past three days. They had left another voicemail and Blaine didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to care about anyone other than Kurt. Everyone else was a waste of time or a reason to get hurt. All the important numbers would show up as contacts anyway.

Blaine went to his voicemail and then pressed edit before deleting the most recent one. It most likely wasn't worth listening to anyway.


	6. Ch5: Yes, a world to rediscover

Chapter Five: Yes a world to rediscover

 _Hi, I got some great feedback for the last chapter and I'm definitely keeping it in mind, I slowed down the stuttering a bit since I was overdoing it and even thought about PTSD which I've included a little in this chapter_

 _ **xxx**_

Kurt looked around nervously at the people in the station, it was terrifying him and even though he was traveling with his dad, this wasn't the sanctuary of the hospital. He kept flinching at the loud noises and would tremble whenever a stranger passed him. Burt had asked whether he wanted to stay in New York a little longer, at least until the plastic surgery had finished, but Kurt was insistent on seeing Blaine.

"So," Burt smiled as he put a hand on Kurt's shoulder, "This is our train, you ready?" he asked Kurt as the twenty five nodded quickly.

"Y-Yeah" he said as he looked around. He had already asked his dad to leave him to see Blaine alone, but his father had managed to get the information about where Blaine was living. However, that still meant that he had five hours until he reached Blaine, five hours to be afraid of the people around him and of something happening.

Burt tried to lead Kurt forward, but the former arts student was terrified to move. Everywhere around him he just kept seeing people who would hurt him, cold voices, swift and cold movements, pain. He didn't know if he could handle this okay, but one thing kept him motivated. He needed to see Blaine, he needed Blaine to know that he was here and since Blaine hadn't phoned his dad, in person was the only option other than through the computer.

"You tell me if you need anything, okay?" Burt tried to comfort his son as Kurt closed his eyes and looked down.

"Le-t-t's just g-go," he struggled as they boarded the train.

Once they were onboard, Burt let Kurt sit next to the window and then sat down next to him, it was so that Kurt felt more comfortable. Knowing how he was surrounded by other people, people he didn't even know a single thing about was going to set off some triggers, hopefully the passing scenery was enough to calm Kurt down and comfort him.

"So," Burt said softly, "Have you thought about what you're going to say to Blaine when you see him?" he inquired.

Kurt shook his head, "I was just hoping that it would come to me when I see him."

"Well," Burt sighed, "Just know that you will be seeing a very different type of man than the Blaine that you know."

—-

"Mr Anderson," the head of the pre-law program said as he faced Blaine in his office, "I wanted to call you in here to have a little chat about your work so far in terms of your degree."

Blaine rolled his eyes, "You mean my perfect GPA and good grades on tests and essays, yeah a _lot_ of trouble I've been."

"You're certainly right that your academic work has been top notch," the head said as he moved in his seat opposite Blaine, "However, when you started your second year, you were given the opportunity to work with one of our finest professors here so you could study under them, help them research cases, and earn yourself an internship during third year."

Blaine knew where this was going and he didn't like it, he had tried to maintain the grades that would make it so that he would pass his classes and if his parents had to hear of any more aggressive behavior then they would try to get him not to attend college and go straight into the family company.

"You had a client, Miss Patricia Clarke, who spoke to you, do you remember this?" the head asked as Blaine leaned back and closed his eyes.

"Refresh my memory," he said shortly, folding his arms over his chest.

"Apparently after seeing and speaking with you, she was so distressed at the manner in which you treated her that she had a breakdown and removed her case. She filed a complaint against you, do you remember what it said?"

"That she was emotionally unstable and because of this that she felt it was hard for her to testify in court without having a psychological meltdown?" he shrugged, eyes still glued to the desk.

"No, that you were insensitive, self absorbed, and aggressive and you emotionally and verbally attacked her numerous times, given who your family is however we let you off the hook for this despite a hit to our reputation," the head growled as he faced Blaine.

Blaine looked up disinterested, he had already heard all of this and why the hell did it matter? It wasn't as if it would _change_ the case, that moment had already passed.

"We decided that you were just going to do office work and research without communicating with our clients on a solo basis. Now, what can you tell me about last month?"

Blaine sighed, "That you wanted to add more shit to the work you asked me to do?"

"No, Doctor Lewis asked if you would perform a short list of tasks that were well within your capacity both in skill and in the time it would take you to complete them, do you remember how you reacted?" the head asked again as Blaine blinked back and then said in the same kind of growl.

"No sir, why don't you remind me, sir" he said rolling his eyes.

"You stood up, looked him directly in the eyes, and you told him to fuck off. You then told him that it was no surprise that he was getting a divorce if he was 'so fucking messed up' that he couldn't 'do his own shit'" the head said as he tried to look for any sign of remorse on the student's face. There was none.

Blaine shrugged as he looked back at the dean, "I hope you're more intelligent than he was."

"Oh," the head nodded, "I _am_ intelligent enough to expel you from this university. Yes, you're smart Blaine, you've proven that a number of times, but intelligence and the use of ones brain isn't everything. You need to show respect to others and have the skill and tact to actually work with other people, _especially_ any clients that you would have had as a lawyer."

Blaine shrugged again and waved a hand around at the items on the desk in front of him. "These papers here important?" he asked seeing various post it notes that showed they were obviously important documents. He waited again, but the head didn't answer him. Blaine pushed the cup of coffee that the man in front of him was drinking over so that it splashed on the papers before turning around and walking out of the office without another word.

—-

"B-Blaine!" Kurt yelled as he woke up, people starting to stare at him as he woke from his nightmare. Kurt seemed to shrink in as his eyes opened to the world around him and tears ran down his face. He wrapped his arms around him tightly, he needed to breathe and to relax, he needed to make sure that the people around him weren't staring at him.

He didn't want them near him, they couldn't get near him, he couldn't handle it if they came near him. 

He shook as he tried to stop the harsh sobs from his mouth and started to flinch as he felt a pair of protective arms around him. He was about to pull away and attack, thrash against the person who was holding him. That was until he heard an extremely calming voice.

"It's okay, Kurt. I've got you. I'm your dad, I'm going to protect you," Burt tried to remind the frightened twenty-five year old.

Kurt finally allowed himself to take some deep breaths and relax, the tears soaking through Burt's shirt as his father held him close. Remembering the young man in front of him as a sophomore student who was coming out as gay for the first time.

Kurt curled up close in his father's arms, allowing himself to feel the terror and fear as his dad held him tight, keeping him safe and warm. "B-Blain-ne" Kurt choked through his tears as Burt rubbed his back.

"Hopefully we can see him soon," Burt tried to remind him. He tried to tell himself that Blaine would be different around Kurt, that Blaine wouldn't be the aggressive man he had become, that would definitely not help Kurt at all.


	7. Ch6: But I'm not in any hurry

**Chapter Six: But I'm Not In Any Hurry**

 _I feel really bad that this is so short, but it is 1am right now, I hope to make the next chapter much longer :)_

Kurt nervously held the card with the apartment information in his hands, it was supposed to be this building and apartment 206, he felt his chest tighten as he tried to get through the doors at the front, this was a really nice building and he was sure that because of the doorman that it had good security, that there was very little possibility of him getting tortured once he was inside, but it was still too much.

He approached the apartment again, hoping that he could tell the doorman that he was visiting Blaine Hummel-Anderson, but as soon as he got nearer a couple approached the door and were let inside. He took a few steps back not knowing what to say.

He gripped tight to the sleeves of the hoody he had on, somehow he felt like he was safer wearing a hood, it was as if he could block the rest of the world out and just concentrate on seeing Blaine again.

There was silence as Kurt felt people watching him, he had been advancing and then stepping back at least ten times now, he didn't know how to handle it and was doubting as if he was able to see Blaine again at all. What would he say to him? What kind of apology could be made so that Blaine would forgive him? Would the truth work or would that be too hard of a story to believe.

Kurt didn't know and in this place he felt like he was suffocating, as if the people talking were plotting against him, as if he would soon get hurt, soon find out that this was all a dream and he had never left the holding cell. The colors and noises were starting to send him into a state of confusion and the pressure was building from inside his chest to outside his whole body, keeping him in a heated bubble of loss, fear, and loneliness.

He turned to go before nearly bumping into someone's shoulder, he took a step back. This guy was so unfashionably dressed and Kurt was pretty sure he had been smoking, but without even looking around he felt something familiar.

There wasn't anything too familiar in the brown plaid shirt and bike jacket, but in the presence of this other person. 

Kurt slowly turned to see the guy enter the building and his heart painfully pinched as he saw a very different Blaine from the one he had left, but maybe this wasn't Blaine. He had only seen this man for an instance and he was wearing glasses and had put absolutely no hair gel in. He hadn't made an effort with his appearance, no, Blaine always made an effort with his appearance even during their breakup.

He took a few steps to the side as he saw the man check his mail and then took some steps forward so that he could take a closer look at the mail slot. His breath caught in his chest as he saw the letters on the box. _Apt. 206 -Anderson._

What on earth had happened that had changed Blaine so much? Was three years enough to do all of this damage? Maybe he was too damaged for their relationship, maybe they just didn't fit together anymore or wouldn't fit together. This new Blaine left Kurt stunned, what had been going on with him?

"Bbb-lai" Kurt struggled but he knew that he was being too quiet due to his nerves. If he remained this quiet then Blaine wouldn't hear him, he had to ignore the stutter and try to be strong.

"Bbblaiaine!" Kurt yelled as he closed his eyes and looked down, he hated the way his face looked and his voice sounded now, but as he looked up he saw the rugged man looking at him in first confusion and then shock.

Blaine dropped the mail he was holding, the envelopes cascading onto the floor as he put one hand to his mouth and tears rolled down his face. He removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes, but the figure that was a very injured Kurt was there in front of him. Kurt was there, Blaine was with him again. Finally, it was over.

"Oh thank god," he smiled blissfully, "It worked, I really made it work," he said as he moved towards Kurt.

Blaine started with slow steps, but it wasn't long before those steps had changed into a run and a strong hug onto his husband. Blaine crying onto his shoulder, "I was so patient and so strong and it worked, it must have worked," he smiled. "I…I must have…thank god."

Kurt froze, this wasn't right.

For three years Blaine had thought that Kurt was dead, he had attended his funeral and been through a lot of therapy, according to his father, to come to terms with the fact that Kurt was deceased. Blaine had to go through mourning, grief, and depression and right now he was treating Kurt as if Kurt had come back from a weekend vacation without a snake bite. Something was disturbing Kurt about the way that Blaine was reacting.

"Bbblainne?" Kurt asked as he wrapped his arms around his husband. "Aaare you ok-kkay?"

"Yeah," Blaine smiled, "I'm okay now because I'm with you. I am so thankful that it worked, so thankful," he said before looking around, "I thought there would be more white and clouds, but that is more in the traditional sense…or is this limbo?" he asked happily as Kurt frowned.

Clouds? Limbo?

Kurt looked around before he realized what was going on. Blaine didn't think that Kurt was alive, Blaine was under the assumption that they were both dead. The way he was talking, the difficult way in which Blaine was breathing, the racing heartbeat…the way Blaine had kept repeating that 'it worked'. He took a couple steps back so he could actually look at Blaine.

The other man didn't look alright. Blaine looked pale, his eyes were dilated, he looked as if he would either pass out or throw up right at that moment and he smelled like alcohol and…something else, something familiar but…

Kurt quickly put an arm around Blaine and pulled him close, taking out his phone and making sure to dial the number for an ambulance.

That smell was definitely marijuana and Blaine had been mixing drugs. This wasn't good, this wasn't what was supposed to happen when they finally reunited. Kurt tried to get Blaine to sit down, but he found that his hand was sticky as he held Blaine's wrist, he took a peek under the long sleeves of the plaid shirt to see the scars and self harm.

"It doesn't hurt anymore" Blaine smiled as he held Kurt happily, "You don't need to worry anymore, we're back together. Nothing else matters," he grinned, his eyes sparkling with tears but his whole expression reflecting his great happiness inside.

Kurt nervously gave the details to the paramedic on the other end of the phone line as he held Blaine close to him, keeping them both seated. He turned to Blaine. "You're not dead."

"It's okay," Blaine smiled, "It doesn't matter, I killed myself to be with you. I'm happy. I made the right choice, please don't be angry with me because being with you is what I want."

Kurt looked at Blaine terrified.

He just prayed to a god that he didn't believe in that _Blaine_ wouldn't be the one to die and to leave him alone.

Kurt moved Blaine so he could lay Blaine down for when the paramedics came and let Blaine's head rest in his lap. He tried to soothe his husband, but he could feel the weird rhythm of Blaine's heart and the fear grew stronger. Kurt wasn't sure that Blaine was going to make it out alive after this.


	8. Ch7: and I need a moment

Chapter Seven: And I need a moment

Kurt nervously looked around the hospital building, he didn't know what to think or how to feel about what he had been witness to. He didn't know how to even explain it to other people. He had been abducted, kept captive, and tortured by a group of foreign men and recently found with his anxiety sky high and his face a mess and come to see his husband who had believed he died three years ago, which was strengthened at the funeral, and then tried to kill himself so that the two of them could be together, so that when Blaine met Kurt and neither one was dead,because of the belief Blaine had that _Kurt_ was dead, Blaine now believed that they were in limbo.

He had chased the idea numerous times and it all made logical sense, if you actually believed in a God that Kurt didn't, but it wasn't real. He had never been dead and therefore Blaine wouldn't be able to meet with him if _Blaine_ died, but if Blaine died then Kurt wouldn't be with him.

This was exactly why Kurt didn't know how to handle the situation.

It was also why he was terrified and looking for a nurse who could help explain to him how to take care of Blaine. Kurt slowed his breathing as he attempted to calm down. He was looking at the tiled floors when a doctor approached him. "Hello, who are you?" she asked not giving Kurt time to greet her in return.

Kurt looked down, "Kkkurrtt Hhummmel Aandderssson" he cringed as he stuttered the words. He hated talking and he really hoped that when Blaine finally registered what had gone on, Blaine wouldn't get annoyed by it. After everything that had happened he didn't want a stupid stutter to be the reason for not being together with Blaine.

"See," the doctor sighed, "Here's the thing, Blaine Hummel-Anderson is listed here as a widower and all of his medical documentation for the past two or so years have listed him as widower. He _was_ married to a Kurt Hummel-Anderson, but you certainly don't _appear_ dead."

Kurt shivered, he looked at the forms that they were showing him and tried to steady his breath. He wanted to make himself as calm as possible to avoid the stutter, he opened his mouth to speak before hearing a comforting presence behind him.

"Hi, there" Burt said as he put a hand on Kurt's shoulder, "I'm Burt Hummel, I am…"

"Kurt" another voice was heard as both of the Hummels turned to see the male model behind them, "How the hell are you…alive?" he asked before looking at Burt and then back at Kurt. "What the shit? How dare you do that to…and your face"

"Cooper," Burt said slowly, "He was taken, kept away from everyone, and tortured. Do not, I repeat, do not blame my son for that. I'm hoping that Blaine is fine and…"

"Blainey left me a really weird message earlier and then when I get out of the airport I hear that he's here. Was it shock or maybe like him having sex because he hasn't really done that in a while," Cooper said without regard for personal privacy.

"Nnnoo Sssexx" Kurt said sadly.

Cooper blinked hard as he noticed the stutter and turned back to the doctor, "I'm Blaine's emergency contact. Cooper Anderson, his older brother, and how are you today doctor? Busy day?"

"Not so much," the doctor said with a straight face, "but I am married so I do ask that you stop with the flirting. Blaine is alive but his body hasn't stabilized as of yet. He used a mixture of drugs and alcohol and then cut himself so that the blood would leave his body. We were hoping to see if you were a blood match with your brother so that we could get a family transfer to him as it's not urgent but should be done in case."

Cooper nodded, "Yeah, I am," he paused looking very worried.

He turned back to Kurt, "What the hell are you!? Did you!? It's good to see you, but what the hell!?" Cooper said stunned before talking more with the doctor.

Kurt stared at the floor and wrapped his arms around himself as he let his emotions show, the doctor was walking with Cooper to another room and Kurt was left behind. All he wanted was to make sure Blaine was okay, he just needed Blaine to be safe.

Burt slowly led Kurt to the chairs and sat with his arms around his son allowing for all the pain and turmoil that Kurt was facing to be given the comfort and support that Kurt needed. "You didn't do this," he told Kurt as he hugged him. "You didn't do any of this."

—-

Two days later and Kurt was finding it even harder to maintain his calmness. Blaine had been in a coma since he had been taken to the hospital and although his body had reached normal levels in most areas, he wasn't waking up. After all this time he had tried to find and get to talk to Blaine and it resulting in this, was it even fair for him to be here? Blaine had definitely had to face his demons with thinking Kurt was dead? Would Kurt being alive just undo that work.

Maybe too many things had changed for their relationship to work anymore.

That's what he thought as he adjusted the ties on the hospital gown and straightened all of the angles in the room. He had even made sure to refill the water in the plants that Cooper had brought from Blaine's therapist, but no one else had given gifts and no one else had come. Did Blaine even _know_ anyone else.

Kurt nervously walked over so he was sitting beside Blaine's bed. He had asked everyone for some quiet time with Blaine, if it was only a couple of minutes that he got at least it would be together. He reached out and held Blaine's hand.

"I…uh…I..sssorrry" he whispered before feeling the tears well in his eyes. He shook his head and tried to wipe the tears away. "I I caaan ssstilll remmemmber how yyour hhandd fellt the ffirsst ttime." He lifted Blaine's hand to his lips and kissed it. "I llove yoou" he said as he held Blaine's hand so it was cupping his cheek in the way it had done during their first kiss.

"Bbbllainnne" he whispered as tears fell onto the bedsheet.

Kurt closed his eyes as he remembered all of those memories with Blaine. He could still feel the joy and happiness inside of him after that first text message, he could understand how he had felt fear for Blaine after the eye injury, all the good memories and the bad and he had _failed_ Blaine by not protecting him from himself. Kurt could be rude to Blaine, but he always knew what Blaine needed, what Blaine was imagining and _why_ Blaine hated the person that Kurt loved very very very much.

Kurt shook his head, it wasn't good enough. He hadn't been there to support a man who was always seen as much braver and much stronger than he thought about himself but not as brave and strong as the man underneath. That sweet, kind, passionate man who would never give up on someone else, but didn't have enough trust in himself to push for those things that he really wanted all the time.

That was the man he had let down. He had let down a person who prioritized _others_ above himself in all aspects of his life. _That_ was Blaine, and Kurt knew how lucky he was that there was anything left of Blaine to return to.

"Hhey," a weak voice from the bed said as the hand on Kurt's cheek turned so that it was feeling the warmth of the other man's body heat, "can I ask you a question, I'm n…" Blaine slowly felt his hand falling to Kurt's throat. He waited a moment before frowning.

"Whhatt is iit?" Kurt panicked, "Wwhatt's wwronng!?" he turned to push the button for the nurse to keep him alive.

"Your pulse," Blaine whispered before tears streamed down his face and he sobbed loudly, "Your pulse," he said as his fingers stretched over Kurt's neck. "Kurt?" he asked looking terrified at the question he was asking, "Are you aaalive?"


End file.
